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Submitted on
January 5, 2009
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I have trouble
Seeing and
believing if God
exists.

My body bends
And pops
It creaks, it
moans.

It Horrifies some
by doing things
that no other body
Should.

My body hurts
And aches
It screams it
groans.

There are things
That ails
us all that
Shouldn't.

Yet I move on
With another
Snap, crackle,
pop.

I'm not a freak
Nor a
Cirque du Soliel
artist.

There are trials
and pitfalls
that other's don't
Have.

I shouldn't have to suffer
I shouldn't have to see
My husband in tears over
me.


I'm only human
So I'm sure
He'll Understand, Why I
Question.

If I have a little trouble
That in a just world
If God exists at
All.
I live with chronic pain due to a genetic condition I have called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and Fibromyalgia.

EDS is a collagen disorder. The best way to describe this is that Collagen is the glue of our bodies...my glue is just not as sticky as it should be.

It's believed I have one of the rarest types, Arthrochalasia (Formerly EDS Type VII A&B). It causes my joints to dislocate with great ease, my eyes deteriorate, my teeth (despite good care) crack and break because collagen holds enamel to our teeth, and mine's been slowly falling off for 35 years now.

Fibromyalgia is difficult to describe, it affects my muscles (and it's different for almost everyone, though mine appears to be muscular and neuro-stuff I can't spell or remember).

I grew up an atheist and this poem related to questions I used to ask myself about God's existence. Since then, a very serious accident many years ago have brought me to terms with EDS and I cherish having it now. When I should have been killed, EDS saved my life because my joints will dislocate before the bones are allowed to break. Pretty cool huh? =)

Still, I never understood why other's didn't get why I've always questioned the existence of God.

This is an experimental piece.
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:iconloverofmythology:
loverofmythology Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you just described the thoughts i've had for a very long time. i also have fibro, and this poem hits a very sensitive nerve with me
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:iconroslyndrey:
RoslynDrey Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I want to invite you to two groups dedicated to fibro and EDS.

*Ogrefairy has EDS

and I suffer from fibro. The groups are new but I hope they help you hon.
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:iconclojio:
clojio Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010
I like this.

I don't have EDS, but I know many people who do. I have an undiagnosed pain issue (RA, CFS, etc. have been mentioned) and I really understand the fight to understand and accept it.

I've always been atheist as well. But when my pain got worse, I started thinking hard.
Was this meant to happen to me or was there something I could have done?
Is there a lesson to be learnt from it?


Personally, I find most comfort in the idea that it's all random, this has just happened in my life and it's up to me to make the most of it and be happy.
Other people find other things more comforting, the idea of God giving them the chance to prove themselves, or that it's their life path.
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:iconogrefairy:
Ogrefairy Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I am so sorry... you are not alone. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome too. I understand you're pain.... you can always find support in friends.
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